Grief recovery, loss of child, healing after death & loss 

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How to become a Master of Grief when you Lose your Child.

January 17, 2040, is a significant day for me. It will mean I have gone through 10,000 days without Phil. My son. My baby whom I held in my arms and looked deeply into his eyes. The baby I bonded with, my foxhole buddy. My first born. My boy.  In his book, Outliers, Malcolm Gladwell outlines the concept that you become a master at something after you have practiced it 10,000 times.  I will be 76 years, 10 months, and

 
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1498 Days without Phil

It's Fall again Phil. The weather is beautiful. The trees are lush and green, and in Arizona, will be for at least another month. I look at the sky in the morning and I look at the sky in the evening. I am always looking for signs from you. No Christmas without Phillip 1498 days ago, you left. It seems like it just happened and yet I am about to launch my fourth Holiday season without you. I haven't put

 
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How I Saved a Woman’s Life on Facebook

Last night there was a woman in a private group I am part of on Facebook. Her daughter had died a year and a half ago and she and her husband had since divorced. She was struggling. There were a couple of posts. One said, something like, I thought I could do this but I can’t. Then the other looked as though she had been drinking and doing drugs. It talked about her husband and divorce attorney and taking a

 
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My Son Sam Shelton

I have been appreciating my son, Sam, more than ever! Having only one son after having two for so long is a strange feeling. I enjoy his antics. I enjoy his voice, expressions and his quirkey personality. He is not really like Phillip at all. He is unique, he is Sam. I think of the book, Green Eggs and Ham. It is one of Ava's favorite books. I read it at least 17 times a day when she is here.

 
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A Brother’s Love – Death of a Brother

Phillip and Sam were 21 months apart. Phillip was always the good big brother. He taught Sam by example. He was quiet, gentle and patient. Phil was born this way. He came in with nothing to prove. He was here to enjoy life and other people. Sam was clumsy, loud and reckless. I don’t mean this in an unkind way.  Sam is an amazing child. He simply had “heavy hands” in everything he did from birth. He did not have

 
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My Husbands Grief

Recently, my husbands grief has surfaced. It was always there, lying in wait, like a stealth lioness waiting to pounce.  He is the strong one. The one who peeled me off the floor and held me when I was sobbing to the point of vomiting. The one who would talk to the kids about processing the grief. The one who would allow.  Allow me to talk about Phil anytime I wanted and I knew he hurt to the core for

 
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Breaking Through to the Other Side: Coping with Death

by Jessica Kane In comparison with the past, people are currently living very fast-paced lives. While this certainly has its perks, it tends to interfere with some of the natural processes people must experience. When a person loses a loved one, he or she needs time to mourn that loss. Even more, that person needs support from other people. There was a time when entire neighborhoods shared in this experience, but that time has long passed. Nevertheless, it is essential

 
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Picking the scab called Grief

Yesterday my husband came home and told me that one of the nurses he works with had lost her nephew. He was 18 and shot himself while his family was at church. All the emotions came up. The pain was intense. I sought out the boy and looked at his obituary and wondered why. Why? I think about everything Phillip had to live for, Ava Rose, a family who loved him and it is upsetting that someone would intentionally take

 
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Suffering is Optional

Let’s call grief what it really is, PAIN. Pain hurts and our brain wants to protect us from hurt so we start to shut down. Physically, emotionally, socially. There are many downsides to this, the big one being that all of a sudden our life is defined not by the joy, but by the pain. Everything becomes about pain and sadness. No one does this intentionally and if I had not had a lot of training to be super aware

 
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What I love about my Husband

I was thinking about Phil the other day and it got me thinking about my husband. Phillip was so much like his dad….it was one of the things I loved best about him because Paul is such a great guy. There are so many things that I love about him. We will be married 26 years this year and I feel so very fortunate to have found such a great man. What is great about him? Well, there are so

 
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