Grief recovery, loss of child, healing after death & loss 

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Home Articles by Michelle My Son Sam Shelton
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My Son Sam Shelton

I have been appreciating my son, Sam, more than ever! Having only one son after having two for so long is a strange feeling. I enjoy his antics. I enjoy his voice, expressions and his quirkey personality. He is not really like Phillip at all. He is unique, he is Sam.

I think of the book, Green Eggs and Ham. It is one of Ava's favorite books. I read it at least 17 times a day when she is here. That Sam I am, that Sam I am, I do not like that Sam I am.

When I think of Phil, I think about how much he admired Sam. He looked up to his little brother and wished he could be more like him. He told me several times how cool he thought Sam was. He is right, Sam is way cool. I am so grateful I have him.

Today I want to write about Sam. He writes music. He plays guitar. He attends leadership classes and he has deep discussions with his mom and dad about Spiritual truths. He shares his thoughts on the Universe and how he thinks it all works. It is facinating to hear how his young mind works and processes the world around him. I cannot imagine the world without him.

Sam also eats all of our food, he sleeps over at the houe and doesn't make his bed…it may sound strange but these are the things I often miss about Phil…the normal, every day stuff. I miss it about Sam when he is not here. I cannot imagine my life without Sam.

Each child has a place in the family…they contribute something. Sam is the entertainer. He makes everyone shake their head and laugh. He provides humor and seriousness. This may sound funny because they are opposites of sort. He does though…he has a very deep spirit. He is fun and thoughtful and he is a driving force in the world

Now with Phillip gone, I think I appreciate Sam much more. I had a very deep and special relationship with Phillip. This sometimes shadowed the relationship with Sam. Big brother would always fill the gap between him and mom. Big brother would fight his battles for him and also smooth things over for him. Now he has to do it on his own. I was like Phil was a part of him. I mean really a part of him.

I am looking for the good in my life right now. I am searching for purpose and a reason to go on. Don't worry, I am not that depressed that I would check out…I am just needing to find the joy that is there waiting for me to recognize it. Sam is one of those joys. He contributes to my life. He is part of me. Just as Phil was. I am so happy Sam is my son.

 

 

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