Grief recovery, loss of child, healing after death & loss 

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For all you dads out there

For all you dads out there…I want to share what I see happening. I want to share what I experienced happening. Of course this is not ALL dads…I am using it as a blanket statement because I know dads are busy making a living. They are focused. They want their sons to grow up and be able to support their families as well. The thing is…your baby boys need your attention too. They need hugs and nurturing. They need to

 
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I miss Phil!

Saderday night. Yes, I know I spelled it Sad-erday instead of Saturday. It is the day of the week Phil died. I am hiding out at work. Working 14 hour days so I don't have to miss Phil. I miss him so much I cannot breathe. I mean I seriously have a real problem breathing. They say it is asthma. Really? At 49? I guess it is possible. Spiritually they say that lung problems comes from unresolved grief. Hmmm. I

 
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Missing my son at Christmas

My son is gone. I miss him. Today is the second of January. Yesterday was four months since the police showed up one beautiful afternoon and informed us my son was no longer a part of this earth. I still do not know how that can be. My son was healthy. He was strong. He was beautiful and perfect. Remembering my son at birth. I remember when my son was born. I carefully unwrapped him. He was my first born.

 
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The Ghost of Christmas Past

Christmas Past Every year at Christmas we watch Scrooge. It is such a great story of how we tend to get stuck in what we think is important and it takes something really big and scary to jolt us out of being stuck….then we can do something different. I look at Phillips death as my big jolt. I feel tired and drained. I want to do something different….yet, I am not sure if I am. I love my kids….this makes

 
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How are you? The Ego Lurks…

How are you?  This is the question I dread hearing each time I go out. It seems strange but it is honestly why I don't want to go out because, " How are you? "  is asked of me over and over. Today I called Wells Fargo about Phillip's checking account and the lady answered the phone, "How are you?" I thought it was funny since I was in the middle of writing this article. I go to the grocery

 
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Election Day

Election day was today. I saw Phillips ballot come in the mail right before he died and I asked him if he planned to vote in this election. He said yes. I think he enjoyed being a grownup. Election Day for a 22 Year Old. Phillip was 22 when he died just two months before this election. What is Election Day like to a 22 year old? I remember voting in my second election. When Election Day came around it

 
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Phil’s Little Ladybug

Ladybug, the name, was coined by European farmers who prayed to the Virgin Mary when pests began eating their crops. After ladybugs came and wiped out the invading insects, the farmers named them "beetle of Our Lady." This eventually was shortened to "lady beetle" and then "ladybug." Ladybug, the Nickname Before my grandaughter was born, my son and his girlfriend called their little baby, ladybug. Later it was shortened to simply 'bug'. So it seemed natural to not only me

 
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Just another Emotion Filled Day

Emotion. It is laying in wait for me to have a thought. It springs from my subconscious and fights with my brain. Today I slept. I don't want to sleep so much…at least this is what is logical. I find that I am awake at night and sleeping during the day. I feel so drained. Part of me feels like I have been doing pretty well working through this…and then, what does pretty well look like in this situation? Removing

 
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Coping with Death

Coping with death seems to elude me. What does coping with death mean? Isn't it obvious that none of us are getting out alive? Yet for me, I have been living my life as if death will never happen. My children will never die. My husband will never die. I will never die. Hell, even my parents will never die…except they did. Coping with death is not something I want to teach my children! And I certainly don't want to

 
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Verizon Wireless Text Messages from Deceased

Verizon Wireless sent us another bill today. It was addressed to Phillip Shelton. I have called Verizon Wireless about Phillip's cell phone bill. I called and told them he died and asked to get his text messages. This was a couple of days after he died. So, maybe September 3th or 4th. They said as long as you have a police officer order them, I could get them. So I called the investigating officer from Phil's accident and asked him

 
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