I am not a big fan of Saturdays anymore. Everytime I think of Phil's accident I remember it was Saturday morning at 10:41 AM. This was the time my son took his last breath. I don't like to think about it. Each week another Saturday comes and goes. I now refer to it as Sad-urday. Yesterday was Saturday. I am glad it is behind me. I know that significance is assigned by me and I am working with that concept.
When Phil was little he was extremely obedient. He didn't always like being obedient, yet, he would comply with what his mother wanted. When the kids were little I used to tell them that happiness was an inside job. I had learned with my oldest daughter that making them sit in timeout for a specific amount of time didn't work so, I came up with the idea that they were in charge of the time frame they had to sit.
Yesterday I slept most of the day. I did work over the weekend yet I find that I am so very tired all the time. I suppose this is part of it and it can be draining to cry and mope around. I went to a Real Love meeting last night. It was good information…concepts I have been working with for over five years so that was promising as these concepts do work. I don't think I was very supportive
Today was a rough day. We received the Death Certificate. On the line where it says cause of death it said, extreme trauma and burns to 100% of his body. Another meltdown for me. I felt sick when I read it and crumpled to the floor and sobbed. Parents are supposed to get BIRTH Certificates…not DEATH Certificates. I also had to go to the bank and close Phil's checking account. That wasn't so bad but I wanted to get the
A new day….today is a new day. In my personal growth and coaching I often work with people to see what they want to see and create what they want to create. The funny thing is many people tend to focus on what they say they don't want….so guess what…that is then what they create. What they DON'T want! This is because, whatever you focus on in your mind is what grows from your mind. I have been resisting the
It is 10:30 PM and I just got home from a movie and dinner with Paul and the girls. I wanted to straighten the guest room so I was in there messing around with stuff and I hung some clothes up in the closet. Phil had a thing that hangs in the closet…..I call it a cubby hanger. I am not sure what this thing is called for sure but it hangs in the closet and has cubbies for you
When Phil died, I sat on my patio and called his phone and played his voicemail over and over with a couple of glasses of wine. It was raining. He loved the rain. I recorded it and still listen to it over and over. Not like that first night though. I used to tell him to leave me a message when he called. I didn't know why I felt so compelled to have him leave me a message. He wouldn't
In 1998 I decided I wanted to be a writer. I told my husband this revelation. He said, "Um, no offense but didn't you flunk out of high school English?" To which I replied "….so I don't know the prepositions…I know them now. I don't need to be able to dissect a sentence to write. I can talk. I can write." And so I did. I began writing. I wrote employment articles. One got picked up in a magazine. It
Please read this article at your own risk. There are details of the fire and the accident in which Phillip was killed. The first part is the actual news article that appeared in both print and online. The Newspaper said, two killed in a fiery crash. When the police officers came to our door…I knew it wasn't going to be good news. I could see
I don't know what day it is. I do know it has been two weeks and two days since my son crashed into a tree. The stories continue to come out. There have been witnesses come forward and it brings me some peace to know my son did not get trapped in a burning car…he was dead instantly. I feel good about that. It sounds so weird to say that. To even think that seems weird. I just didn't want