A new day….today is a new day. In my personal growth and coaching I often work with people to see what they want to see and create what they want to create. The funny thing is many people tend to focus on what they say they don't want….so guess what…that is then what they create. What they DON'T want! This is because, whatever you focus on in your mind is what grows from your mind. I have been resisting the
It is 10:30 PM and I just got home from a movie and dinner with Paul and the girls. I wanted to straighten the guest room so I was in there messing around with stuff and I hung some clothes up in the closet. Phil had a thing that hangs in the closet…..I call it a cubby hanger. I am not sure what this thing is called for sure but it hangs in the closet and has cubbies for you
When Phil died, I sat on my patio and called his phone and played his voicemail over and over with a couple of glasses of wine. It was raining. He loved the rain. I recorded it and still listen to it over and over. Not like that first night though. I used to tell him to leave me a message when he called. I didn't know why I felt so compelled to have him leave me a message. He wouldn't
In 1998 I decided I wanted to be a writer. I told my husband this revelation. He said, "Um, no offense but didn't you flunk out of high school English?" To which I replied "….so I don't know the prepositions…I know them now. I don't need to be able to dissect a sentence to write. I can talk. I can write." And so I did. I began writing. I wrote employment articles. One got picked up in a magazine. It
Please read this article at your own risk. There are details of the fire and the accident in which Phillip was killed. The first part is the actual news article that appeared in both print and online. The Newspaper said, two killed in a fiery crash. When the police officers came to our door…I knew it wasn't going to be good news. I could see
I don't know what day it is. I do know it has been two weeks and two days since my son crashed into a tree. The stories continue to come out. There have been witnesses come forward and it brings me some peace to know my son did not get trapped in a burning car…he was dead instantly. I feel good about that. It sounds so weird to say that. To even think that seems weird. I just didn't want
When Phillip was a small boy, he was so easy. He was an easy baby. He would do whatever I asked of him. He was helpful and he was protective of the other kids. I remember when he was five years old he made up a langauge all of his own. He named each of the kids with funny names and he could do this crazy clunking noise with his tongue like no one I know. My heart is broken.
I remember the last time I saw and held Phil. It has been two weeks today since I last saw Phillip. He had just rented a new apartment and Paul, Josephine and I went over to see it. He had Ava Rose with him and Paul and I sang and danced with her. I have a video to post on it…unfortunately Phillip wasn't in the video….only Paul, Ava and I. I can hear his voice though. When we left I
The Cremation on 911 It seemed appropriate that September 11 was the day my son was cremated. I don't know why…it just did. He was born on the 4th of July, died on Labor Day Weekend and it just seemed like his life was always revolving around some sort of important date. I never knew anything about cremation. In Nebraska we always had a family plot. When I go home, I always visit the cemetary and I knew nearly everyone
Today was rough. I had several melt downs. I was angry and sad and sad and then angry. I lashed out at my husband. I did things that were not rational. I rebelled against my husband. I popped a beer at 8:30 in the morning…then when my husband questioned me, I said, "Who makes these rules that you can't drink a beer in the morning?" I was angry at Phil today and then I woud feel guilt for being angry.