Grief recovery, loss of child, healing after death & loss 

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I’m so lucky!

I am so lucky. I was thinking about everything that happened and how it is circumstances. I can never change the circumstances yet I can choose how I handle those circumstances.  I really am fortunate. I am fortunate that I had 22 years with such a great kid. He taught me so much. He loved me. He helped me learn. I loved his smell, smile, quirks and enjoyed being around him. He had this great laugh and I am fortunate

 
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Trinkets of Phil

22 Year old boys have strange things in their apartments. It is just a fact of life. They collect beer bottles, whiskey bottles, music posters, old tennis shoes and trinkets. This is a stage my own husband sort of outgrew. I say “sort of” as just today he mentioned that he has his space for his stuff…which he then added is in his closet. I had put something in there that didn’t belong and he said, “Really? This is the

 
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The Car that my Son Died Driving

The New Normal – The Birth of a Child Two years ago, my baby died. My baby was 22 years old and had grown bigger than both his dad and I and yet, he was still my baby. I remember being obsessed with him when he was born. I took photos. I held him. I rocked him. Nursed him. Played with him. Changed him. Bathed him. Dressed him. I spent hours looking at him. Getting him to smile. Listening to his

 
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Grieving with Grace

Grieving with Grace. Two years ago today at 10:41 AM, my life changed forever. My son, Phillip, braked for a slow moving vehicle and lost control of his car and slammed into a tree and then the car burned up. The good news? He and his passenger died in seconds, most likely before the fire. That was as good as the news got for me. The Struggle of Unfinished Business I have struggled to not lose myself in the last

 
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The Thursday before My Life Changed Forever

Two years ago today, Paul and I were dancing with Ava. She was barely walking and boy did she like to dance with Papa and Gigi! She thought it was so cool to be able to spin around and dance. Phillip and Sam and just moved into their new apartment and Paul, Josephine and I were out on doctors appointments for the followup on Josies brain tumor. We called Phil to see if he was home and he was and

 
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Comforting the Baby

Paul and I took Ava camping with us. We were with a large group of people and camped at a dear friends house. There were camp trailers all around her home with cords leading out to each one. The first morning we went into our friends house for coffee. Her daughter was there with her kids and one of them came out and said, "Mom, where are my shoes?" "I don't know, ask your dad." She answered Ava turned to

 
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The Hardest Journey – How I really Feel

The Depth of My Grief I have lost count of the days since you left Phillip. This is a good thing. I know that in September it will be two years without you. Your car still sits on the side of the house. Your photos hang in the spare bedroom, carefully dusted and straightened. Your shirts hang in my closet. The grief has settled in my heart, settled into my soul, settled into my bones. The depth of it cannot

 
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383 Days Without My Son

Leave This Blank:Leave This Blank Too:Do Not Change This:Your email:  383 Days Without My Son Today it has been 383 days without my son. 383 days since my Phillip took his last breath on earth. People talk about the journey of losing my son. I have a hard time wrapping my head around that at times as I feel like a journey has some goal or purpose that I would move toward. I think of the Lord of the Rings

 
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The Birth of My Son

The birth of my son was the best day of my life. Born on the 4th of July. 23 years ago today I was lying in a hospital al bed waiting for the birth to my son, my first child. My husband was working in San Diego and was making the drive back and got lost. This put him back several hours and by 11:00 that night I was in full blown labor. At this point I didn't know if

 
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I love you Phil

I love and miss you Phil Phil…good night. Mom Please follow and like us:

 
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