Grief recovery, loss of child, healing after death & loss 

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Ramblings After the Death of a Child

Yesterday I slept most of the day. I did work over the weekend yet I find that I am so very tired all the time. I suppose this is part of it and it can be draining to cry and mope around.

I went to a Real Love meeting last night. It was good information…concepts I have been working with for over five years so that was promising as these concepts do work. I don't think I was very supportive to anyone else…it was sort of odd to be the empty one and I was contemplating that. I have never felt so…well…empty. I don't have anything to give to anyone else right now.

Today I am tired again. I slept all night. I have homework to do for my grief recovery class that is tomorrow at 9:00 AM. I am looking forward to it. I have read the book assignment twice.

This process is so facinating to me. I have been tricking my brain into thinking Phil is just at work. There is something about knowing he is no longer on the earth that just sucks. There were times in his life where I didn't see him for a month so it is not like I haven't gone a month without seeing him…the thing is, I always could see him if I wanted to. Now, I can't.

I think I am rambling. I don't have any definate purpose to my writing today and that typically doesn't work well. I am just rambling.

I miss you Phillip Henry. I really do. It has been a little over a month now. I feel drained. Dad is making me a meditation room so I can talk to you and be with you. I hope you are around. So far, I don't feel anything. I think it is because I am out of touch. I only want to sleep…

There was that one dream. It was the oddest dream I think I have ever had. You were observing the dream. It was like you were on the sidelines just watching. I don't even remember the dream itself…it was uneventful. I do remember thinking…why is he watching my dream? Of course in my dream I didn't know you were dead because you were very real there. There was all this stuff going on and you were not part of it. I have never had this experience before. So maybe you were there….maybe you were.

 

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