Today was rough. I had several melt downs. I was angry and sad and sad and then angry. I lashed out at my husband. I did things that were not rational. I rebelled against my husband. I popped a beer at 8:30 in the morning…then when my husband questioned me, I said, "Who makes these rules that you can't drink a beer in the morning?"
I was angry at Phil today and then I woud feel guilt for being angry. WTF? This is like some sort of torture.
All the personal growth I have down and I know that to think is to create. If I stop thinking about the accident. If I stop thinking about Phil being in a fire…if I stop thinking about him never coming home….I won't generate these emotions. I don't want to stop thinking about him. I want to remember him, hold on to him. What if I forget? I cannot remember his voice sometimes….it has only been seven days…what happens when it is seven years?
I miss him. I love you Phil.
So many friends stopped by yesterday. Both of my brothers were here and their wives. My dear friend, Gary Elkins from California stopped by. I am so thankful for my large circle of friends who are here to support me.